I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Enjoy the penises
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
