just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
