i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
be right there i have to get my cape
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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