So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
