Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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