My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
