If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
