so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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