I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
