I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
