can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
