I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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