I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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