So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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