Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
