Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
