just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
