Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
