Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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