guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
