i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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