jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
