whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
