Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
