Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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