hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
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Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
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Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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