She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
