Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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