sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
