She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
