operation harelip BJ is a go
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
