Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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