This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
