Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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