She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
