i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
