he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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