i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
