She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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