the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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