I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
