dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
