Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
