Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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