My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
