I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
