so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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