Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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