we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
