We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
