Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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