You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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