It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
