Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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