In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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