Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
