you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
