Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
