I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
