dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
