You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
