ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
