Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
