My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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