Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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