Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
