I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
