I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
