I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
