first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The Olympian is in my bed
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
