real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Did I show you my penis last night?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
