so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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