dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
