Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
