Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
