I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
