I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
