Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
