woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
