woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
